Snore! <3 one big bundle! Hey! Whatcha got der??? SHOW ME! I DEMANDS IT!
For some strange reason, my sister insists on giving her offspring excessively long - if not peculiarly odd names. Names that if they were boys would probably get them beat up in the playground. Aubrey was born was born on Dec 11, 2009 in London. She weighed in at 2.95kg (6lb8oz) - a little bit bigger than her big sis Addison. In fact, Aubrey was so feisty that mommy thought she was going to be a boy, but she turned out to be a darling girl - and a looker at that!
Today, while driving like a maniac in your pimped-out Honda, you made a left turn way too fast and way too wide and slammed head-first into a PARKED SUV. Instead of being a man about it, you decided to jet off like a bitch. But don't worry, the car you needlessly slammed into only suffered minimal damage to the bumper. The same can't be said about your car however - as evident by the front bumper that you tore off and carelessly left behind. Thankfully, tomorrow morning the police will show up at your door to bitch-slap you with a hit-and-run ticket and to return the bumper that you carelessly tossed away...along with the license plate you left on it. FYL!
FYL
I agree, your life sucks You totally deserved it you fucking douchebag
So this past weekend, I was unfortunately witness to douchebagery at its finest. I was sitting at a light and bore witness to a dickhead plow his pimp-out rice-rocket into a parked car cause he was too drunk or a re-re to drive like a normal human being. After jetting off, I tried to chase after him but lost him to the city. After I got back to the scene I called the cops. When the cop pulled up he asked if I got the plate number, I replied that it's still on the bumper on the street and cracks up HIGH-FIVES ME!
In case you didn't get your fill of the bluntest pencils in the criminal pencil box, here's more examples of why you should go back for your GED:
When there's something strange in your neighborhood, Ray, Peter, Egon, and Winston are the DEFACTO guys to call. However what happens when said strange something is not a ghost but an walking corruption of unlife that refuses to fit into a ghost trap...or stay dead for that matter? Then you have a zombie infestation and all the crossing streams (proton, urinary, or otherwise) won't save you from the brain-sucking undead menace that is the looming Zombie Apocalypse! The only way to keep yourself from becoming zombie-food is to trade up your proton packs for good old fashioned guns an ammo and go ballistic (projectile-that is) on the throngs of unholy fiends! In celebration of the imminent release of Left 4 Dead 2, Ying and friends headed to the gun range for practice in anticipation for the looming zombie apocalypse...with Zombie Targets™!
As per last week's blog, I agreed to be completely candid about my boring and completely irrelevant life. Yet amazingly people were interested in knowing more about said life. This only leads me to conclude that you people lead even less interesting lives to be interested in mine. (oooooohhh BURN!!! ) Amazingly I had little to no raunchy questions (come on people! Live a little!) save for one - which I attribute to my asshole from from college. (EAT IT ROB!!! ) But as promised, every juicy morsel will be detailed in an uncensored written manifest...
I have tussled with this same question for years. Many-a-night I have stayed up late into the wee hours of night speaking to HIM bartering all sorts of favors and promises for freedom from the hateful puss-filled curse he has bestowed upon me. Unfortunately, HE and I were never able to reach an agreement. HE wanted me to stop masturbating but that was not something I was willing to put on the negotiation table. However after many years I have come to realize that HIS the rationale for this curse was to simply teach us about personal hygiene...and to limit masturbation...I found that all those stories about gentle cleansers about not "overdrying" your face were not useful for me. All those years I was avoiding "overdrying" by using "gentle" cleansers and washing with palms not towels was doing me a disfavor. I use a little face/hand towel that I got from Target along with Neutrogena's Oil Free Acne Wash in the morning, when I get back from work, and before bed. I use HOT water first to open up the pores and make sure I scrub and then immediately turn on the cold water to close the pores again. I've been reasonably successful with this method. The big difference is that I set myself to never miss a cleansing session. Also, cut down on the masturbation Sonychak...you kill kittens...
Believe it or not, I actually am! This was a picture taken at my liposuction surgery. GREAT SUCCESS!!!
jtngu8nimbusthedragon - Why is such a good-looking piece of Asian meat such as yourself still single? Bizarre.
First off, thank you. You two are incredibly sweet and I would totally date either of you beautiful lovely ladies if either of you were anywhere remotely close to my location! Honestly, I am significantly less interesting than I may appear on a screen halfway across the world. Furthermore, I found that it's difficult to meet new people after you graduate from school. Also, I'm still rather new in DC and the Asian girl ratio is bottomed out. Not that I don't date other ethnicities, but Asian girls seem to be the only ones that are interested in me, so I'm pooling my bets . But I think the heart of the problem is that I am shy. I'm great with people but when I'm around a girl that I actually really like, I turn into a blundering idiot. Stumbling over your words periodically DO NOT make you more appealing to the opposite sex...(or so I found out!)
Roadlesstaken - What's the average day in the life of Ying? Also...how attracted were you to the girl you acted with in Chopsticks?
The average day in the life of Ying involves getting up at 6 in the AM to drive to work. For nine hours Ying slaves away at the computer desk before I go home! Tuesday nights I have hip hop class and Wednesday I have Popping class. Thursday nights is Kickball day and the rest of the week is reserved for Left 4 Dead...HA HA!
Regarding your other question, Jordyn is amazingly beautiful and talented girl. When Amanda asked me to help her in her film, I thought nothing of it, nor did I think it was as legit as it turned out. Furthermore, they rolled out Jordyn, a model and amateur singer opposite me, whose only acting experience was Avarm the Bookseller from Fiddler on the Roof in High School. She is an amazing girl and any man with a heartbeat would love to date her. The only problem is that she's 19 and I'm 25 and I can't date her for fear of looking like Herbert the Pervert...
joooolie - how tall are you? describe the most psychotic/crazy/embarrassing date you've ever been on? nastiest thing you've ever eaten? yummiest thing you've ever eaten?
I'm 5 feet 8 inches. Weirdest date I've ever been on must have been my crazy blind date...or maybe my speed dating session...clearly, I've been around the block! As for the nastiest thing I've eaten, I've been through college and vacations in China, so a lot. I've eaten snake, frogs, donkey and turtle soup. I've been offered monkey brain but I drew the line there. As for yummiest thing I've eaten, nothing has so far topped platters at 53rd and 6th in NYC. This shit is DE-LICIOUS!!! And you definitely need to give it a try in your lifetime!
Anyone who's had this recognizes the long lines and the desperation...and the addiction
Probably failure. As a kid, I was always bred to be successful and to achieve greatness at the behest of sacrifice and dedication. While I consider myself currently mildly successful (or rather on the road to it) I still often feel the specter of and impeding pedestrian life hanging over me. I'm learning to have more fun and enjoy life to a greater extent now. Although, these days the thought of being alone or not finding someone to share my life with is also creeping into my thoughts...
h1t5uj1 - how often do you fall into deep-thoughts throughout the day? what kind of thoughts would they often be? what would usually trigger these thoughts? hee hee hee randommm...
Amazingly, a lot. As a kid, I grew up thinking about big problems and ways I go about solving them. Now that I'm older, I pay attention to the news a lot and I am still thinking of what I would do in a perfect Ying-tocracy (that is rule of the people by the Yings ). I wonder a lot about the unanswered questions of my childhood - conclusions and observations that seemed so simple and clear as day to children yet as an seems exceptionally insightful to adults. Things like why can't people simply learn to share things and get along? Or seriously what good is a simple strip of land if it's littered with war? Why is money the sole concern of our lives? Unfortunately I feel that when we grow up, we increasingly learn to simply accept the things in life that we questioned as kids as givens. Suddenly the possibilities becomes murky with doubt. Simple things such as standing up for what is right is complicated with expectations and the opinions of others. Oh...there I go again...*snaps back into reality*
souxie - what is one characteristic about you that you are proud of or like about yourself (but may not necessarily be a characteristic that is widely known to be something people are proud of)? i just reread that and confused myself. basically, being successful is something that everyone can be proud of. playing the flute with your nostrils is not, and is sometimes even a turn off.... but you might be totally proud of the fact that you can play flute with your nostrils, while others might be terrified of their ability.
Souxie, I actually got quite confused about your question too...it was quite long and wordy, and it had a lot of references to flutes and nostrils...awwwkkkwarrrrddd... As for my secret pride, I guess I'm proud of my artistic flare. Without sounding like a pompous ass, I am happy with myself that I am good at picking out things that are aesthetically pleasing and that I'm good at designing things that are cool. I paint a little, I draw a little, I dance a little. Unfortunately I never get to use any of those creative bits of my personality professionally (my work life is completely non-related) but I like to think that I have a secret double personality tucked away somewhere and that people will get excited to learn more about my many layers. </ego>
TheCheshireGrins 1. What's your favorite thing about living in DC? 2. How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?
1. My favorite thing about DC is all the professionally dressed women walking around the subways during rush hours...hmmm I love work attire...powersuits and wool pants with heels...coming and going to work every day is always a treat...yuummmmm
2. Guns guns guns. Always know your guns. I live on the 11th floor of my building and I am a strong believer in high ground. I don't think Zombies know how to work elevators, but I think if you throw a few couches and armoires down the stariways, you could effectively block your stairways from zombie intrusion. Next, ghetto rig a basket-pulley-elevator system to help you get in and out of the building for supplies and much-needed 7-Eleven surplee runs and you and your fellow survivor mates will have a impervious tower fortress complete with a zombie-free helipad on top!
Hard to "thriller" up a flight of stairs...
cluelessazn13 - what specific thing do you understand least about females? :O
In a word - EVERYTHING! I'm sorry Amanda, but you people just don't make any sense to me...I'm sorry that you were born into the confusing gender...
dazedboy02 - Do you remember the first time you kissed a man? Haha. Just kidding Ying. :)
First off Rob, you're a bastard . Secondly, should memory and the facts ever come back to your poor delusional brain. HE kissed ME! Additionally, I did not allow the man to touch my lips, he simply planted one on me. You could consider it homo-lip rape in fact. And I had to get lots of therapy to get over it...(rocks back and forth in the corner muttering to himself). And finally, for your information, my homo-virgin lips were defiled for a reason! It was so that two girls would make out after we did! It's called taking one for the team! And while mine was 0.12495 seconds, the girls got a whole 10 seconds...and change! WIN!!!!
Because I'm not above jumping on the bandwagon (in fact I relish it!), I've decided to sell out and participate in the hottest new fad sweeping the Xanganation - that is, to be completely forthcoming and allow complete strangers to ask often most assuredly tactless questions of me in which I must answer truthfully. With exceptions to the O-so-juiciest-of-juiciest topics, I vowed to you, my loyal nosy stalker(ettes) to answer truthfully to the best of my ability.
So, if you have some secret question that you were just dying to get an answer to or burning a hole in your larynx trying to get out, this is your chance to avoid expensive throat reconstruction surgery! Be they silly or serial (you know, number questions), feel free to inquire at your heart's delight! However, remember that answers get tailored to those who ask them and any potential embarrassing questions will have the inquirer's identities revealed in the follow-up answers!
Stupid loves company (has no relevance to any of this but it's my blog and I get to blog as I see fit! )
True
Aubrey was born was born on Dec 11, 2009 in 
) But as promised, every juicy morsel will be detailed in an uncensored written manifest...
. But I think the heart of the problem is that I am shy. I'm great with people but when I'm around a girl that I actually really like, I turn into a blundering idiot. Stumbling over your words periodically DO NOT make you more appealing to the opposite sex...(or so I found out!)
). I wonder a lot about the unanswered questions of my childhood - conclusions and observations that seemed so simple and clear as day to children yet as an seems exceptionally insightful to adults. Things like why can't people simply learn to share things and get along? Or seriously what good is a simple strip of land if it's littered with war? Why is money the sole concern of our lives? Unfortunately I feel that when we grow up, we increasingly learn to simply accept the things in life that we questioned as kids as givens. Suddenly the possibilities becomes murky with doubt. Simple things such as standing up for what is right is complicated with expectations and the opinions of others. Oh...there I go again...*snaps back into reality*
As for my secret pride, I guess I'm proud of my artistic flare. Without sounding like a pompous ass, I am happy with myself that I am good at picking out things that are aesthetically pleasing and that I'm good at designing things that are cool. I paint a little, I draw a little, I dance a little. Unfortunately I never get to use any of those creative bits of my personality professionally (my work life is completely non-related) but I like to think that I have a secret double personality tucked away somewhere and that people will get excited to learn more about my many layers. </ego>
